In the spiritual community, the ego gets a bad rap. Most spiritual teachers tell us to crush our egos or that our egos stand in the way of what we want to attract and create in the world. But what is the ego? By definition, the ego is “the self especially as contrasted with another self or world,” according to Merriam-Webster. Ego is also listed as a synonym for self-esteem, or “a confidence and satisfaction with oneself.”
Why has it become a prerequisite to let go of or deny the ego in order to ascend to one’s higher self? Why can’t the ego be a part of this ascension?Why must it be excavated – hollowed out – made to whimper in the corner while the rest of our soul takes flights? I believe that it’s not our ego that gets in the way of our soul excellence, rather it is our misunderstanding of the ego and the proper role she can play in creating the change we desire in our lives. I’ve only recently realized this. Allow me to explain.
In my 20s I read every self-help book I could find. I also was an active participant in AA for many years. In many of those meetings, a person would share how their ego – their desires, their faults, their foibles, their character – was the source of their misery and that the only way to recover was to abandon the ego entirely. There were days were I stood up in front of the room to confess that I was my own worst enemy and to ask for the group’s support to please help me replace my ego with humility.
At my core, this didn’t seem right. If the ego is self how could we kill it and still be a self, ourself? Was there a better way to conceive of the ego? Was there a way to think about the ego as a friend to collaborate with rather than an enemy to fight against?
Thankfully, a year and half ago, I came across Cyndie Silbert’s work, Feminine Mastery. In her book, True Calling, she shares her five Feminine Mastery Archetypes that “balance, heal, and liberate your ego, mind, body, spirit, and heart.” On page 56 she writes,
“Further, each aspect of you (ego, mind, body, spirit, and heart), are metaphorically a united team, with their individual intelligence and agenda….Even though we’ve come to know the ego as the master of illusion, this is only true in the Outer Way. Restored to natural alignment, your ego is no longer an adversary of your true self but a faithful servant to discovering your truth. Acceptance and compassion for your ego neutralizes resistance and initiates the process of restoring your natural alignment.” (Emphasis mine.)
Wow. Learning about Cyndie’s archetypes and rediscovering the value of the ego has been instrumental in my life. It is true that in my effort to squash my ego, I was in fact letting it run my life; I pushed and controlled my way through things. The Chameleon is the Feminine Mastery Archetype that represents the ego in Cyndie’s work, and it is the driver of change. The Chameleon is so appropriate for the ego, because a chameleon can rotate and focus each of her eyes separately – her ability to see and to do is unparalleled. Cyndie writes on page sixty-six:
“Your Chameleon is the source of motivation and ability to thrive within social, business, and political structures. She gives you the ‘I can do it!’ attitude and the where-with-all to multitask and make life work. Alignment with your Chameleon gives you a strong sense of self, empowering you to overcome fear and seamlessly adapt and change as needed to move your life forward. In alignment with your Chameleon, you exude confidence and willingness to take risks.”
This conception of the ego has provided me with so much clarity. It is not an enemy to crush, but rather a friend to build an alliance with on one’s desired path. Alignment, however, is the key, and looking back, the most difficult periods of my life have been when my ego has been out of alignment. When the Chameleon is misaligned, that is, not focused on individual excellence and mired in thoughts of fear, boy can she wreak havoc! Here are the words Cyndie uses to describe a misaligned Chameleon: aggressive, unfulfilled, agitated, restless, manipulative, conceited, obstinate, inflexible, needy, stuck, rigid, greedy, obnoxious, ruthless, short sighted, bully (pg. 131). Sound familiar? These words encapsulate the brutal feedback I received from my colleagues when my ego was running me and I was not guiding it from my heart and my desires.
What I’ve now learned is that the ego is essential; however, my Chameleon must be guided to use her talents on the right goals or desires. I over-relied on her at work, while forgetting to align with my heart (hummingbird archetype) and my creator (honeybee). I am now focusing my Chameleon on a much bigger goal – this journey of soul excellence – and I am grateful for her energy, risk-taking, productivity, and desire to achieve.
P.S. – You can learn more about the Chameleon and the other four Feminine Mastery Archetypes and even take a short quiz to reveal your mentor archetype.