Note: I came across this reflection to myself that I wrote in business school almost five years ago as part of my Innovation Action Plan. I’m stunned at how relevant it is to my life today, and I wanted to share it publicly here. It’s about time I honor this beautiful person and live up to her verve for life!
April 2015
Every year at Christmas my grandma sends her twenty-five grandchildren a stack of 25 crisp $1 dollar bills in a white envelope. Taped to the envelope is a picture of each of us as a child. Last year, my grandma sent me this photo with a quote on the back, “Do not compare yourself with others, for you are a unique and wonderful creation. Make your own beautiful footprints in the snow.” My Grandma Pat senses my struggle without me ever verbalizing it.
This photo is my visual reminder to return to my core, to my childhood self, to the person that creates and innovates. This photo makes me smile; it also makes me melancholy. Would I tell that young girl that her ideas are stupid? That her feelings matter less than others? That she should avoid and hide? I wouldn’t tell six year-old Kayleigh that, so why do I say those things to myself daily? These are lies that shut down innovation.
Look at that smile! Look at the stance! Look at that outfit and those accessories! Look at the backdrop! This photo represents the essence within me. In this photo, I am in my favorite place in this world, Wells, Maine on the rocky shores of the Marginal Way. This reminds me to seek out natural spots that free my mind to think beyond the cubicle or plane seat to which I am often confined.
I am wearing a sweatshirt with ballet slippers on it. This sweatshirt reminds me that I like to perform, that it gives me great joy to practice, to learn, and then to share that with others. My ego-driven fears try to tell me that I am not good enough to perform, that if I am not the absolute best, then I have no right to dance.
I have a flowery ponytail holder around my wrist. I value beauty, art, and design. I think I am more pragmatic and heartless than I am. That flowery accessory reminds me that I am a softy in the best sense of the word. I don’t need to over-identify as a “thinker” at the expense of my feelings.
In my pocket, the neon blue hair of a troll radiates. That troll reminds me of my inherent mischievousness. It reminds me of my curiosity, my desire to explore and seek adventure. It reminds me of my interest in play. It reminds me that I am taking myself way to seriously, that I am too attached to some idealistic version of myself that I could never possibly be, nor want to be. My stance is confident and joyous. It is self-assured, with hands on my hips, but vulnerable, with my chest exposed. This reminds me that I open to love, the root of innovation. Being me, as who God made me, and not me, as who I think I should be, is the biggest barrier to unleashing the natural innovation stored deep within. Upon reflection, I recognize that I am in the extremely difficult process of undoing almost twenty years of seeking others’ approval and ignoring my internal compass.