Can you think of the last compliment you received? Maybe it was a friend’s comment on your super-cute sundress. Maybe a kudos for the project you turned in to your boss. Maybe it was your spouse thanking you for that mouth-watering baked salmon dinner.
Whatever the compliment – how did you receive it? Did you say, “thank you”? Did you brush it off? Did you return it with a compliment of your own – “No, YOUR sundress is even cuter!” 😆
The truth is that many of us are not great at receiving appreciation, which – you might be surprised to learn – also has detrimental impact on how we give appreciation. Here are a few common ways that we handle appreciation, pulled from commitment seven of The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership (examples mine 😉 ) :
- We pass the credit to someone else – Oh, well, yeah, I didn’t pick out that dress – it was all Stitchfix!
- We do the downgrade – Thanks. It was an OK project, but not my best.Â
- We dismiss – It was nothing. Don’t worry about it.
- We rush to reciprocate – No thank you for your mentorship, leadership, inspiration, course correction [fill in the blank here!]
There’s a lot of reasons why we do this , and I encourage you to check out the book for more detail, but most of it has to do with not wanting to be vulnerable or fearing that we won’t come across as humble. What’s holding you back from simply saying – “Thank you. That means a lot.”?
Now reflect on the last compliment you gave someone. What did you say? Good job! Great marketing campaign! Great quarterly report! A lot of the times we deliver appreciation in a far less powerful and potent way than we could, and as leaders we can shape and influence our teams a lot by changing the way we deliver appreciation.
Masterful appreciation – or delivering compliments like a boss – includes sincerity, unarguable truth, specificity, and succinct language. I invite you to listen to The Soul Excellence Podcast Conscious Leadership Mini-Series to learn more about each of these components of a powerful compliment! My favorite of these four elements is sharing an unarguable truth, because it explains why some compliments in the past rubbed me the wrong way.
Appreciation is best delivered when it is unarguable, meaning it is an opinion or a feeling – versus stated as a fact. For example – “That was a great sales call, Kayleigh!” This is very arguable! Maybe it was great, maybe it was good, maybe it was bad. Who knows?
A better way to share this praise would be to say something like – “I appreciated how you handle the prospect’s objections.” This expression of gratitude is unarguable; it would be my boss’ opinion. Notice how it was also specific and succinct. Masterful appreciation.
Your ability to appreciate your colleagues, teams, clients, family, and friends allows everyone’s unique gifts to be recognized. As a leader you have the power to shift the conversations that are happening all around you using appreciation as your guide.
Tune into episode eleven of The Soul Excellence Podcast to learn more about generating appreciation and the related commitments of excelling in your zone of genius and living a life of play and rest. Or listen right here from the blog.